so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize