oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
