i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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