North Korea, Best Korea!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize