My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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