You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
