I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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