You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
