Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
