Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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