i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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