I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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