I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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