don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
