i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
