I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
