Can i not drive my cunt home
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
