Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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