If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
