turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize