That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
