somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
