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I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is it penis luge time yet?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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