My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
