the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
