So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
