left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
