Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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