Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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