you traded sex for a burrito?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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