census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
