k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize