Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
