That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
