Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
