we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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