you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize