Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
