he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
