I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
