...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
