Ambien. No doubt about it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
