just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
