Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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