i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I see more hoeing in ur future
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