I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
