How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
