Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
