Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
