We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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