So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
