Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
