I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
