I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
