ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
