Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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