$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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