just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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