She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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