Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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