The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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