wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my being single is dangerous.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
