Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize