I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
