So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
