No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize