3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
