and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize