dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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