Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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