You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
