Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
