I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
