if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
