Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
