So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
