we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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