that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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