So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
