Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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