I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
